What Style of Non-Monogamy is Right For You?

A Free Guide to 13 Relational Styles (That Don’t Ask You to Choose Just One)

Written By: Sarah Wolfer, LICSW 

Courageous You Founder

There’s no single “right way” to do non-monogamy. There’s only what feels real, what brings relief, what honors your truth, and what makes space for your wholeness as the unique human that you are. Most people exploring non-monogamy aren’t offered language that holds their complexity. They’re handed checklists, buzzwords, or a comment thread that leaves more questions than answers. And if you’re queer, neurodivergent, disabled, or navigating trauma, it can feel like your needs don’t quite fit anywhere. You’re not doing it wrong. You just haven’t been offered a model that sees you.

That’s why I created this free guide: What Style of Non-Monogamy Is Right for You?

Courageous You's Free Guidebook - What Style of Non-Monogamy is Right For You?

It’s not a quiz or a hierarchy. It’s a compassionate resource to help you explore 13 different non-monogamous structures; without pressure to pick a side or get it “right.” You’re invited to sit with what resonates, take what serves you, and shape a relational path that’s uniquely yours, even if it blends pieces of several styles or evolves over time.

Here’s a preview of what you’ll find inside:

What is Solo Polyamory? You value connection, but not at the cost of your autonomy. You want to have loving, ongoing relationships, but you don’t want to share housing, merge finances, or be defined by coupledom.

What is Relationship Anarchy? You question why some relationships are seen as more “real” than others. You want to build connection based on mutual care, not assumptions, where friendship, family, and romance are all on equal ground. RA can feel radical, liberatory, and deeply clarifying, especially if you’ve been shaped by systems that measured your worth by roles, productivity, or proximity to norm.

What are Queerplatonic Partnerships (QPPs)? You’ve had bonds that were more than friendship, but not romantic or sexual in the ways the world expects. QPPs honor commitment, intimacy, and chosen family in forms that often go unnamed. This is a home for people who know love is real, even when it breaks the mold.

What is Ambiamory? You don’t fit neatly into “mono” or “poly," and you’re okay with that. Maybe your needs shift based on context, capacity, or connection. This structure honors relational fluidity and lets you evolve without shame or pressure to prove you’re doing it right.

What are Open Relationships? You’re in a central partnership and want space to explore beyond it, sexually, emotionally, or both. This model supports curiosity and freedom while holding on to the connection that grounds you.

What is Swinging? You and your partner enjoy exploring erotic experiences with others, most often together. Whether that means group play, parties, or curated intimacy, swinging can be a joyful, consent-rich way to reclaim your pleasure.

What is Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT)? You’re okay with your partner seeing others, but don’t want all the details. For some, this structure creates containment and emotional steadiness, especially during transitions. When practiced with consent and clarity, DADT can support privacy without secrecy.

What is Hierarchical Polyamory? You need structure and prioritization. Maybe you’re caregiving, co-parenting, or managing trauma recovery. This model lets you prioritize one relationship, often called “primary," while still showing up with intention for others.

What is Egalitarian Polyamory? You want to relate without rankings. Each of your relationships might look different, but they’re all built on consent, equity, and presence. You’re invested in showing up fully for each connection regardless of role or title.

What is Polyfidelity? You’re building exclusive commitment with more than one person. Polyfidelity offers depth, intimacy, and shared agreements among three or more people who’ve chosen each other with care.

What is Kitchen Table Polyamory? You imagine a polycule where people know each other, share meals, and feel safe in the same space. It’s not about forced closeness, it’s about cultivating ease, transparency, and mutual respect across your relational web.

What is Garden Party Polyamory? You want light social connection with your metamours, without deep emotional enmeshment. This might look like waving across the room at a gathering, sharing a moment of small talk, and parting with warmth, not pressure.

What is Parallel Polyamory? You prefer your relationships to remain separate. Each connection exists in its own space, with minimal contact between metamours. For many, especially those who are highly sensitive or healing from relational trauma, this style offers clarity, safety, and emotional regulation.

These styles aren’t boxes to sort yourself into. They’re spacious frameworks, each offering a glimpse into what becomes possible when relationships are shaped by truth rather than expectation. You’re allowed to resonate with more than one. You’re allowed to change your mind. This guide isn’t about finding the perfect fit; it’s about reconnecting with the wisdom you already carry and making space for the version of love that actually fits your life.

When you sign up for the Courageous You newsletter, you’ll get instant access to the full guide, along with weekly reflections and resources to help you navigate non-monogamy with more clarity, courage, and care.

👉 Sign up for our newsletter and download your free guide here

Need more support on your non-monogamous journey? Whether you're untangling old patterns, navigating new dynamics, or simply longing for a space where you don’t have to explain yourself, we're here.

Courageous You offers:

• Individual and relationship therapy in WA, ID, and FL

• Virtual therapy intensives for deep, focused support

• Immersive retreats in sunny Mexico that blend healing, rest, and relational transformation

  
  

To learn more or schedule your free consultation, visit courageousyoutherapy.com or email info@courageousyou.us